A College Student’s Dilemma in Lockdown

Friends, College, Fun. These three words are a source of BT maxx nowadays. I still cannot digest the fact that it has been 6 months since I am quarantined at home. I left college, unpacked and ready for a maximum of a two-week break. With only my laundry in my bag, I set out for home, unknowing of the situation that awaits.

The first month was like a buffer period. It was a delight that the cases weren’t so much and everyone had their predictions of August, October, but I was set on a month max. Days passed, I Netflixed and chilled a lot. One can say it was a denial phase, where I spent a month on Netflix and was sure that in no time we’ll be back in college.

A month or so passed, and I transitioned into the ‘start being productive phase’, knowing that this lockdown won’t be ending anytime soon. I made timely schedules, joined some online courses, researched on how to be productive and yes, even bought an instrument as suggested on many sites. But this period lasted very briefly. A day or two after which there was a long depression-y phase. I was complexed by the fact that people were achieving so much, and here I was, lying down, scrolling, binge-watching and giving up in just two days. I was constantly troubled by the thought that even after realising that people are utilizing time so efficiently, I was not doing anything to improve my current situation. I stopped calling friends or picking up their calls because I was so bored myself, I feared I might bore them or worried that I won’t get the privacy that I need at home to talk.

With the help of a lot of motivation and guidance form my sister, I finally was able to get out of it and start working my gears. I started by creating an Instagram page, ‘I FEEL’, anonymously, to express myself and my thoughts anonymously as I had always thought of doing that. Soon I started my own blogging website, as you can see, and devoted myself towards creating it.

Besides this, I got so motivated that I even started interning so as to earn money to promote my website. There were times when I used to be back on the bottom of my productivity chart, but you know sometimes you do need a reminder that ‘It’s okay to not be productive.’ It’s necessary to let yourself free, to relax and not keep yourself on a leash 24×7 to make something of this ‘free time you’ll never get’ or do a particular thing to be productive. This relaxation period is a rejuvenating factor and a sort of inertia that keeps on increasing with the mass, but when released, will show an equivalent amount of power.

Then, my college reopened on an online platform and online classes brought in rushing memories of classes and all the fun that we used to have during, after or while bunking classes TOGETHER WITH FRIENDS. I was finally ready to let go of my insecurities and started calling up some friends and stayed in contact with some close ones. This phase was the crying out loud phase for opening of colleges asap. Internally, I was waiting for colleges to reopen before also, but now there was impatience and an urgency to shout it out. I was getting used to the home routine and was a little bit scared of what might be waiting after the lockdown opens. But all these thoughts vanished as soon as I talked to a friend or saw my snapchat memories of how I was never an indoor person and jumped at any given opportunity to hang out, or just enjoying, gossiping, eating late at night canteens, talking and doing silly things to get in trouble or at home, when my privacy was invaded, or when I was told what to do, what to eat and was under observation 24×7. I know, I am sorry, writing this makes me miss college more, I don’t know what reading this is doing to you.

Longing for those feels I will get once I see my college, the hostel bed, room, the mess where I was rarely seen, the COS complex and my undying love for all the outlets opened there, the feels of organizing and running around for society’s work, bunking classes for just having breakfast at Jaggi’s (our canteen). But mostly I cannot shake the feeling of the vibes I will get when I see my FRIENDS.

To all those who are reading this, let your friends know how much you miss them and start planning trips. Cuz we all know this virus ain’t gonna stop us once college reopens and we will be free to do what we want, whenever we want.


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